山寨版星巴克 Fake Starbucks

 

 

大陸什麼都敢 Nothing is impossible in Mainland!    STAR FUCKS !

do you see the porn queen word at logo ? :D haha

NEVER on the plane!

After a month-long holiday in the US, my wife and I finally boarded the
plane in San Francisco last Sunday heading home.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched off, a
6 ft 3" black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row got up from
his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and yelled, "HIJACK!"
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen. And two
stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him when another
voice answered from the back of the plane:
"HI JOHN!"
The moral of the story is: If you have a friend named Jack, for heaven's
sake don't ever call him on the plane. Otherwise you may land yourself in
deep shit.

Fw: Squeezing your Balls

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy three coins to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.  The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the coins, but keeps choking.Looking at his son, the father is panicking,
shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar
reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up,puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes
her way, unhurriedly, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and
starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently
and Coughs up the last coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the
coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.
Are you a doctor? "
'No,' the woman replied.
'I'm from Jabatan Hasil Dalam Negeri.'

FW: An eyeful a day keeps the doctor away......!!!!

Fw: Robot that never lies

Kyle's Dad brought home a robot one day.
The robot had the ability to detect lies and would slap the person who lied.
Kyle returned late from school. Dad asked, Son why are you late from school'?
Dad, we had extra classes today, Robot slapped Kyle on his face.
Dad shouted, "Come on tell me the truth, why are you late?"
Dad, I went to see the movie Ten Commandments, Robot slapped Kyle on his face.
 
Sorry dad, I went to see the movie "Red Hot Queen"...
"Shame on you son, when I was your age...
I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved", Immediately, Dad gets a slap on the face from the robot.
 
Kyle's mom comes walking out of the kitchen and says to her husband, "After all, he's your son!"
The robot slaps the mom

Learn When To Keep your Mouth Shut

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.

She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'

That's when she shot him.

You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!

Fw:Best Joke Award winner in UK

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph..
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in Britain .

Beach Soccer.... Why Is It So Popular ?........

What A Coincidence!

A chicken farmer went to a local bar.... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne...

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me.... I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating! ' says the woman.

'What a coincidence! ' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating? '

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence, ' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence. '

Marriage Humo

Marriage Humor （婚姻幽默）

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
妻：你在作什麼啊？
Husband : Nothing.
夫：沒作什麼。
Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
妻：沒作什麼？你看著我們的結婚證書，足足有一小時了。
Husband : 'I was looking for the ex pi ry date.'
夫：我在尋找它的有效日期是到什麼時候。
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
妻： 要吃晚餐嗎？
Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
夫： 當然！我可以選擇嗎？
Wife : 'Yes or no.'
妻：要或不要。
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
妻：為什麼你經常把我的照片放在你皮夾裡？
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your pi cture and the problem disappears.'
夫：當問題發生時，不管有多困難，我看著妳照片就迎刃而解了。
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!'
妻：你看我對你有多麼驚人的影響力啊！
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your pi cture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
夫：是啊！望著妳的照片我問自己，還有什麼困難比這個來得大呢？
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
女孩：婚後我要分擔你所有的煩惱、困擾，以減輕你的負擔。
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
男孩：親愛的，妳真體貼，但我並沒有任何煩惱或困擾。
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
女孩：哦？那是因為我們還沒結婚的緣故。
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Son: ' Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
子：今早我和爹地一起搭車，他要我讓座給一位女士。
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
母：嗯，你這麼做是對的。
Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
子：但是，媽，我當時是坐在爹地的腿上呢。
_____________________________________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
一位新婚的先生問他太太：如果我父親沒留下巨額財產給我，你會嫁給我嗎？
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, N O MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'
女人溫柔的答道：親愛的，不管是誰留下財產給你，我都會嫁給你的。
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever .
女孩對著男友說：吻我一下，我就永遠屬於你了。
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
男孩回道：謝謝您提早警告我。
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
妻問夫：你最喜歡我哪一點？我美麗的臉龐，還是我性感的軀體？
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor.'
他把她從頭到腳瀏覽了一遍，回道：我喜歡你的幽默感。

FW: [Seletarians] Indian goes to a grocery store

An Indian goes to Australia and goes to Woolworths (A grocery store in Australia). He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy cannot have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out.

The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy has a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog-food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.

The Sardar goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

Next week the Indian comes to Woolworths with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag.

The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately takes it out. He shouts at the Indian, What the F*** is this? Is this shit you Idiot?

The Indian calmly replies, “Yes, and I want to buy toilet paper.”？

FW: What a great way to explain socialism.

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before but had once failed an entire class.



That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.



The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. The Class agreed!



After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.



The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.



As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.



The second test average was a D! No one was happy.



When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.



The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.



All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward and shares it with those not earning it, no one will try or want to succeed.



It just doesn't get any simpler than this.

FW: Why America is in crisis

An Israeli doctor,a German doctor, A Russian doctor and An American doctor from Texas happened to have a lunch together.

The Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

The German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

The American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in The White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.

Fw: WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS!?

Another good one.

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and

a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He

opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father,

what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with

cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,

sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned, " Then returned to

his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and

apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long

have you had arthritis?"

Fw: Have you seen this bird?

A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighbourhood shop.
The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagulls shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen , Scotland , and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.

Customers have begun paying for the seagulls stolen bags of chips because they think it's so funny.

FW: Raining in New York City

A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a cab in New York
City.

It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him
the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.

After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies
those women have?"

"Most of them become cab drivers," she said.

funny house!!

FW: A Wonderful Thing Called Marriage

Marriage Humour

Wife:.......................What are you doing?'
Husband.... ............Nothing.
Wife..Nothing...?.....You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband:............... 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

-------------------------------

Wife :..................... 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband:............... 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife:...................... 'Yes or no.'


Wife:.................... 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: ................. 'When there is a problem, no matter how great,
................................ I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife.......................'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: ................. 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other .
................................problem can there be greater than this one?'

--------------------------------------------------------

Stress Reliever
Girl: .................'When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
..........................troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy:................ 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl:..................Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

------------------------------
Son:................ 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, .
..........................he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom:............... 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: ................But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

________________________________

A newly married man asked his wife,
'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you,
NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

------------------------------------------------------------

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

-------------------------------

A wife asked her husband:
'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'
-------------------------------

Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

電燈泡

電燈泡


在英國，燈泡的包裝紙上都有警告--Do not put that object into your mouth.意思是不要把燈泡放進口中。

他奶奶的...那有人會放這東西進口中？英國人都有些白痴..告訴你，世事無絕對！

有天我和一個印度朋友在家中看電視，我和他談到這件事，他告訴我他們小學的教科書也有說到，燈泡放進口後便會卡住，無論如何都拿不出來，他十分肯定書是那麼說的。

但我十分懷疑，我認為燈泡的表面是十分滑的，如果可以放得進口，證明口部足夠大讓其出入，理論上也可以拿出來。

但這印度白痴只說書上是那麼說的，便一定是正確，我被他這種不求甚解的態度弄火了，我說他笨，他說我不會英文不看書，我們便吵了起來。

我一肚火地回了家，拿起一個普通大小的燈泡在床上左想右想，始終認為我沒有錯，想到這印度朋友的無知，也本著科學家的精神「大膽假設，小心求證 」。

我決定要證實給他看。當然，我也做了安全措施...買了一瓶菜油回家。

一切就緒，二話不說便把燈泡放進口中，不消1秒便滑入了口，倒也容易，照這樣看要拿出來絕無問題。

心想你這印度白痴，看看我中國人的智慧和膽色吧！

不像你這書呆子，心想中國戰勝印度便打從心裡笑了出來。哈哈！

於是我輕鬆的拉了燈泡一下。

好！我放多點力........

o.k！我把口張大一些........

不怕，我把口張到最大，再放多一點力(要很小心拉才能避免燈破掉）

媽的！真的在嘴巴內卡住了。好在還有瓶菜油......(30分鐘後）

我倒了3/4瓶油，其中一半倒了進肚，但那燈泡還是動也不動。

這時候，我只好打電話求救。

正當我按到一半，我記起我口中塞了個燈泡如何說話？

現 在我只好向鄰居求助，我寫了一張便條後便去找鄰家那老婦。

她一見我便大呼救命，我立即給她看我的便條---please call me a taxi and tell the driver to take me hospital.(請招呼一輛計程車，還請告訴司機載我到醫院。）

她看了大約1.75分鐘後大聲狂笑。(如果我說得出話我便f**k她了。）

15分鐘後，計程車來了。司機一見我，笑了一回(其實他一直沒有停過）。

在計程車上不停的問我何以這麼做？　(...***...我如何答他？）

還不停說我的口太小，如果是他的口便沒有問題...

我看看他的口真是很大，但我好想告訴他，無論如何不要試，可惜我開不了口！

我看看他的倒後鏡，我好像含住了一條金魚。

在醫院，我被護士罵了十多分鐘，說我浪費她們時間。

還要我排一條很長的龍，我在人群中待了2.5小時...2.5小時...

那些痛楚萬分的傷者，看見我都好像不痛了，人人都偷偷笑出來，我覺得自己還有些作用。

醫生把綿花放進我口的兩旁，然 後把燈泡打碎一片片的拿出來。

我的口腫得很大，最後他告訴我下回不要再試，和告訴別人我的經驗。

我告訴他，我一定不會了。

當我離開醫院時，我在想，這地球一定沒有像我這麼白痴的生物了。

當我開門離開時，迎面來了一個人，是剛才那計程車司機...他口中含了一個燈泡.......-_-

Polar bear attFWacks man!!

Bear Attack in Churchill, Manitoba , Canada.


These are pictures of an actual polar bear attack in Churchill.

These pictures were taken while people watched

and could do nothing to stop the attack!

Reports from the local newspaper say that the

victim will make a full recovery.

The photos are below.